We're gettin' more money -- lots of it (updated)

With all of this federal stimulus money starting to fly around, you’d think more would settle on the ground here in Bakersfield than the $31 million that’s already been set aside to improve roads across Kern County.

And you might be right. People in the know are buzzing about the possibility that Bakersfield could get another $31 million — that’s right, a second pile of stimulus money of identical heft — very soon.

And for what worthy purpose, you might ask? None other than the long-delayed federal courthouse.

Insiders say Bakersfield will be receiving an additional $31 million very soon. If it’s a go — and it’s not a sure thing until it’s a sure thing — the courthouse could be up and running in two years.

The courthouse will go up at the east end of Central Park. Its boundaries are 21st Street to the north, the property line of Central Park to the east, 19th Street to the south and the Mill Creek project to the west.

Expect an update on the courthouse as soon as April 1. And, no, it won't be one of those April 1 press conferences.

(Update: Congressman Kevin McCarthy just issued a press release confirming the funding. "Congressman Kevin McCarthy and Congressman Jim Costa announced that funding would be made available by the U.S. General Services Administration for the Federal courthouse project in the Central Park location of Bakersfield."

The release made no mention of the amount, but McCarthy confirmed it by phone -- $31 million. He and Costa probably put the news out there a day earlier than planned to prevent anybody else from taking credit for it -- like Sen. Dianne Feinstein. You know how politicians are.)

Might be tough on bare feet

Spurge, begone. Dandelions, away. Leaders in the Orange County city of Garden Grove have voted to allow residents to rip out their lawns and install Astroturf-type artificial grass. We like that idea: Saves water, minimizes lawnmower fumes, and creates growth potential for carpeting companies and vacuum-cleaner sales. Accepted on a wide-scale basis, blotchy, uneven lawns would be a thing of the past. No more weeds, either.

Could we do that sort of thing in Bakersfield? Absolutely — we've got no ordinance specifically banning it.

Astroturf can be pretty tough on bare feet, though, and it gets hotter than good, ol' Bermuda grass. There's also the issue of creating a plasticized enviroment that we all might have fun debating. But it's something for California to think about. Water should be for drinking, farming and natural resources, with landscaping way, way down the list.

Consider this economic indicator

I am an incorrigible optimist, even in the face of some disheartening layoffs in my industry -- and at my newspaper. I see an uptick in the stock market and want to declare the recession over. The glass is one-quarter full! OK, but there are undeniable signs of improvement. You just have to know where to look.

Candy sales are through the roof all over the country. Cadbury reported a 30 percent rise in profits for 2008, Nestle’s profits grew by 10.9 percent, and Hershey, which struggled for most of 2008, was up by 8.5 percent in the fourth quarter. Some specialty shops have reported jumps of as much as 300 percent. “All is well in candy land,” Jamie Hallman, owner of the Sweetdish candy store in San Francisco, told the New York Times this week. I'm behind that! Put me down for 100 shares of Swedish Fish.

My new pen pal lives in Nigeria

Craig Garrett, a world traveler and farm supervisor who lives in Arvin, recently had his hotmail e-mail account hacked and his password stolen. Somebody, apparently (but not necessarily) in Nigeria then sent e-mails to everyone in his address book -- part of a new epidemic of Internet schemes that combine "phishing" with the old Nigerian 419 scam. Posing as Craig, the scammer said he was stranded after having left his money and passport in a taxi. Could we send $2,300 via Western Union?

This is a variation of the old ruse in which someone poses as a government official with $14 million to give away, or an exiled Nigerian prince, or an investor, or some such thing. Send them money and rest assured you’ll never hear from them again.

I received one of these e-mails from “Craig” and, after satisfying myself that “real Craig” had never left the country, I decided to have fun with Evil Craig. I e-mailed and offered to send him money. “Craig” figured he had a live one. Here are some edited highlights from our conversation. It was like writing my own Saturday morning cartoon show:

NOT CRAIG : Thanks for the email and your help. I Knew i could Count on you. I will like you to send the money via Western Union Money Transfer. Please the money Should be sent in the name of the hotel management because of the loss of my passport.

ME: Craig, Uncle Fester said he can send $20 but I told him that is not enough, please try to get more. So he said he will ask Colonel Sanders to help. Harvey Hall said he is worried about sending money all the way to Nigeria. He wants you to send a photo of the hotel manager.

NOT CRAIG: Hello,Thank you for the mail, I dont have photo of hotel manager. After I receive the money I will email you on the arrangements to get back home. your friend, Craig .

ME: Harvey said that is OK, he will give me $400 to send to you, but you must help him build a fence when you get back to keep the neighbor’s llama from coming into his yard and eating his rutabagas. Is that OK?

NOT CRAIG: Ok , No problem, I will be waiting for the western union details.

ME: Uncle Fester gave me $22 but it is all in nickels. I think Western Union will accept it. Fester said he will only let me send it to you if you agree to let him take your photograph for his calendar. It is the Buttonwillow Alfalfa Cooperative’s 2010 calendar. He wants you only wearing underwear and suspenders. You can have your choice of April or September. Is that OK?

NOT CRAIG: i have not eat anything since morning pls do not let me die here, I will be waiting for you the western union information. your friend, Craig .

ME: What about the photograph for Uncle Fester’s calendar? He is standing here now asking me. He says boxer shorts are OK.

NOT CRAIG: Yes Boxer shorts is ok but let me get home first

The entire two-day conservation is here.

Read my column on Craig Garrett here.

Why students fail the H.S. exit exam

My daughter, a sophomore, took the CAHSEE, or California High School Exit Examination, at her school Tuesday. It was her first shot at the test; students get as many as seven attempts to pass. Afterward, she informed me, she was sitting around with some classmates talking about how easy it was. "How could anybody fail that test?" one kid said. "How?"

"Laziness," my daughter said. She told them how she'd overheard two students who'd been seated right in front of her in the testing room, talking about the essay question. The question: Discuss someone in your community who has made an impact in your life. (I am paraphrasing the question, but it really did use the word "community." High school students don't use words like that, but I digress.) . "What," one girl asked the other, "did you put for the essay question?" "Nothing," the second girl said, holding up a blank sheet of paper to prove it. And she turned it in that way.

Seventy percent of students pass the test on their first try. Of the remaining 30 percent, many undoubtedly have understandable reasons for failure. Then there's this girl. I wonder how many are similarly inspired? Maybe they need to be impacted by someone in their community.

I'm staying hard-wired — for now

A new survey that looks at cell-phone use in the U.S. finds that people in Oklahoma and Utah, of all places, are most likely to have dumped their household land-lines in favor of wireless-only communications. (I don't know why I say "of all places" — I guess it's just that those states don't seem like the most likely parts of the country for so many people to have given up on that old stand-by, the hard-wired telephone.)

California prides itself on being a high tech sort of place, but it's lagging behind on this particular cultural transformation (which to me seems inevitable). At least 26 percent of households are strictly wireless in Oklahoma and Utah, compared to just 9 percent in California. That's a huge difference. It might have something to do with the youthfulness of the state — I remember reading that Utah has one of the youngest populations in the U.S., and younger people are clearly more comfortable with the technology.

Personally, I like the relative reliability of a hard-wired phone. I use my cell often enough, but the land-line gets more reliable reception, and I always know where it is. (Make that usually -- my teen daughter has been known to leave it buried under a week's worth of laundry.) It's easier to dial larger land-line phones, and I like the fact that I've had the same phone number for 10 years. I don't know why that seems comforting.

Here's another reason to hang onto land-lines: As cell phones get smarter and smarter, corporate America gets better and better at tracking our habits and pastimes, even our locations. Anything a marketer can learn about you from your computer usage, he can learn from your iPhone or Blackberry. We're losing our privacy little by little. But at least our phones are getting cooler and cooler.

Sigh.

Celebrity gossip that matters

I don't bother too much with the celebrity drama that's supplied regularly by the likes of US Weekly and ... well, I don't even know the names of the magazines. But, like a lot of people who are otherwise uninterested in all of that who's-seeing-whom stuff, I couldn't help notice the story about singer Chris Brown allegedly smacking around singer Rhianna, his apparent girlfriend. Nasty stuff, but the worst part was when Rhianna made it known she would give the guy another chance. Bad idea, we heard from a number of other celebs, including Oprah. He'll just hit you again, they said. Domestic violence statistics suggest they're correct.

Then I got this letter to the editor. I can't use it, because the author, a 70-ish woman who is well known to readers of the editorial page, asked that her name not be used. Anonymity opens up a big can of worms, so I had to reject her letter. But, since the rules on this blog are different, I'll share it.

"If women in relationships that even hint at violence are not paying attention to the situation with Rhianna and her 19 year old boyfriend, it's time they did. As a woman of over 70, I experienced spousal abuse in my late 30s in a second marriage. It wasn't anything I did. We had a serious problem and I suggested that the two of us pray about it (he was a church leader and director of a non-profit volunteer group - an upstanding, highly respected man).

"Bowing my head, I suddenly felt an arm around my neck and I was being pulled up and slapped with an open hand in the face until I thought I would pass out. When he stopped he said, "I'd throw you out that window but you are not worth going to jail for." I went to work the next day with a huge black eye (and some bruises that didn't show) and one of my co-workers asked what happened. He said, "Did your husband hit you?" I answered with, "No, one of the kids opened the car door in my face." Women always make excuses.

"This was a long time ago. This was before batterers could be put in jail. I had never experienced violence, but I knew it was something I never wanted to endure again. I filed for divorce (at which time he swore he would see me and my children in the street — that didn't happen). I made it on my own. My children grew up to be decent people. He promised over and over that it would never happen again. From what I hear, they all say that.

"Pay attention, ladies. No one deserves this and you shouldn't risk it happening again.

"And by the way, this wasn't in Bakersfield so don't try to figure out who "Anonymous" is. Thirty years ago is a long time but the memory of this event has haunted me forever. Don't risk it.
— Anonymous."