The alien's name is Gerald

I get the best mail. Today it's an alien from a faraway galaxy. He’s running for president and wants me to get Maria Shriver to help him. I'm not sure what Gerald — that's the alien, in his earthly form — thinks California's first lady can do for him (maybe it's a Kennedy thing), or why I am uniquely qualified to do the convincing, but there you have it -- the star of today's mailbag.

Gerald, who lives in Bismark, North Dakota, says he'll give Ms. Shriver a planet of her very own if she can lend a hand. (I'd go for one with a nice beach and absolutely NO GIANT FLESH EATING INSECTS.) Oh, and Gerald would like Maria's husband Arnold to be his secretary of defense, which is a nice gesture, since Arnold will have been out of a job by the time the 2012 presidential election rolls around.

Gerald has a lot more to say, but I sort of skipped to the end of his rather long letter. Anybody have an suggestions to help me get Maria's attention on his behalf? Ideas that won't get me arrested?